The Martian Anal Division

Yesterday I read a short story by Philip K Dick. It’s called “The Martian Anal Division”, and it’s about a parallel version of our world in which everything is run by and for the benefit of small but cunning Martian invaders.

 They live in tiny spaceships which they insert into their subjects anal passages. From deep within human anuses they emit their instructions, which their followers hear as a voice in their anus telling them what to do. These people are known as the Martian Anal Division (MAD). One of the key symptoms of people who are controlled by Martians up their arses is that they not only want to do what the Martians tell them to, but that they also want to force everyone else to do it as well. They often revert to the phrase “for the greater good”, and want to bring in “laws” in the hope that they can force other people to “conform” to the wishes of the voices in their arses. 

In an attempt to get a better handle on controlling the non-MAD population, they introduce social engineering such as water fluoridation (make the population sick and obedient), vaccinations (make them sick and infertile), fear of “terrorism” (submit to more laws and surveillance), fear of various “global apocalypses” (submit to more restrictions and taxes), and wars (the ultimate control system) 

They also direct everyone with an anal implant to watch more TV, where they can obsess over misinformation called “news”, listen to angry black men making guttural rhyming noises about hoes, yos, and bros, become jealous over the size of the breast implants of women who sing the things that the voices in their arses are saying, and watch stocky men in tight shorts battling each other over leather balls. 

Luckily, for all their cunning, the Martians have some serious flaws in their evil plan. When they insert their micro spacecraft into their victim’s anal passages, it tends to block their elimination of waste matter. So their victims slowly fill up with shit.

Already pressurized to bursting point, when they are confronted by people who refuse to conform, they start to turn purple and run around in circles making squawking noises like a chicken having an epileptic fit. Sometimes the backed up gasses start to escape from their arse like a loud rumbling fart, while sometimes they just blow up like an American false flag terrorists bomb. 

Maybe Philip K Dick created parallel realties that bore no likeness to the world we live in.

Hot tub group release (Berkeley)

Let's keep this simple. I have a hot tub on Euclid . I am having a group release party on January 28th. Everybody is welcome (last time was all men which was fun but I would really like to get some women this time).
Here's how it works: Five people get into my 400 gallon redwood hot tub. The temperature is a challenging 125 degrees. After a few minutes, everybody "evacuates" (voids their bowels in the tub). We see what floats to the surface.
This "letting go" stage is followed by a "coming together" stage in which each person helps the person to their left reach satisfaction (handsex). Simple and wonderful.
Some ground rules:
1) No footwear of any kind in the tub! Leave your flip flops on the deck!
2) Do not go into the house.
3) Scents are okay but please, NO GREASY HAIR PRODUCTS.
4) Please refrain from smoking.
5) Once everybody is in the tub, its silent time. No talking until everybody is out.
6) If you do not like what is "going down" (or coming up) step out of the tub. You do not need to make it everybody else's problem.
7) Please commit before showing up. Don't come out to the backyard, check out the "scene" and then decide to leave. This disrupts the experience for everybody.
8) Please no laughing or frivolity. Its not that it has to be "dead serious" but we don't want it to turn into a joke. For many people a group release party is a vulnerable psychosexual experience and your laughter can be shaming.
9) PLEASE NO LOUD TALKING AFTER THE SESSION. MY NEIGHBORS HAVE COMPLAINED SEVERAL TIMES AND HAVE THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE.
10) If you are over two hundred pounds it is fine, but please let me know in advance.
11) PLEASE NO DIABETICS, PREGNANT WOMEN OR PEOPLE WITH HEALTH CONDITIONS WHICH MAY BE AFFECTED BY A LONG AND UNUSUALLY HIGH TEMPERATURE HOT TUB SITUATION.
12) NO DRUGS OF ANY KIND!!!!
13) Please make sure that you have eaten well and NOT EXCRETED FOR AT LEAST TWELVE HOURS before coming.
14) No food in the hot tub or on the deck. If you must eat, finish your food in your car.
15) You can park directly out front or along the street. PLEASE DO NOT PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY. If parking is limited park on POPLAR st.
16) Do not turn on the airration jets under any circumstances. This makes the party impossible to clean up afterwards and also disrupts the atmosphere in the tub.
17) Please show up on time for the session. The orientation period is extremely important and helps to insure that the party will be a success for all participants.
18) NO CAMERAS OF ANY KIND INCLUDING CAMERA PHONES. For many, the session is a "discreet" experience and respect for individual privacy concerns is of utmost importance.
19) If you have a health concern which you believe may be transmittable through personal waste material please wait for at least two weeks after the matter has cleared up before attending a session.
20) You are welcome to bring a friend PROVIDED I KNOW IN ADVANCE. Please do not show up with an extra participant. Thank you for your interest and contact me if you wish to participate.

The donkey is coming unstuck

Dirty Politics 

 

'You work in news you puffed up little shit! .... When will you glove puppets of Cameron Slater just piss off?' - Pam Corkery